However, on the off-chance David Sedaris remembers meeting me, I'm pretty sure he hates me.
About five years ago, he did a reading at the American Library of Paris. Also about five years ago, I was still quite the party girl, as I hadn't yet met my younger-but-more-mature husband. I'd imbibed quite a bit of wine before the reading, just enough to put me in the "obnoxious girl in the audience who thinks she's really funny" category.
Mr. Sedaris finished the reading and told a story about how in order to keep the attention of the younger audiences at his readings, he offered free condoms. Then he asked if anyone had any questions. My hand shot up. He ignored me. People asked really boring questions and tested my patience.
"I just love you, Mr. Sedaris! One time you signed a book for me and drew a butterfly. It's so beautiful. Do you like butterflies?" a dowdy woman asked.
Can we say LAME? This chick was talking to one of the wittiest men alive and THAT was her question? I could have slapped her.
He answered politely, then asked if anyone else had any questions. A few people did. He answered everyone's questions but mine, until I was the only fool left with my hand up. Seeing he still had 5 minutes to fill, he reluctantly called on me.
"Yes, to the girl with the wine lips who is desperate to ask what she's sure is a great question."
Oh crap. Way to take the wind out of my sails. I went for it anyway. "When are you handing out the condoms?" I asked. Because I have the maturity of a teenage boy when I've had too much to drink (or... pretty much always).
"Honey, you are WAY too old to be considered part of my younger audience."
Oh, snap! No he di'int! Did the one, the great, the only David Sedaris call me OLD? I was 28 at the time. Way too old to be making an ass of myself at a public library but still. I suppose I got what I deserved but it's better than asking about butterflies.
Now, five years later, I got my revenge. His books and mine share the same category on Amazon - Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essays. During a promotion I recently ran, my book shot up pretty high in the rankings - check out who was #4 (me!) and who was #9 (David Sedaris). BAM! Who's old NOW? (Answer: both of us. I mean, it HAS been five years.)
|Nanny, nanny, boo, boo, I sell more books than you do!|
Of course, his book has already surpassed mine because he has an established reputation and my jump was temporary due to the promotion. But it still feels good.
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