Monday, September 29, 2014

Back to Work: The Numbers

9 weeks of medical leave +

16 weeks of maternity leave +

4 weeks of paid vacation +

4 weeks of unpaid vacation =

29 weeks of "I got paid to sit on my butt and eat ice cream" and 4 weeks of "I need to get rid of this ice cream butt before I go back to work."

I only eat the entire point of ice cream in one sitting so I won't be tempted to eat ice cream later.

It also equals 33 weeks of "Holy smokes, I forget where I work."

Wish me luck on my first day back in the office! Assuming I don't get lost roaming the streets of Paris on the way there...

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Life's short. Laugh more. Buy my books at

Vicki Lesage, Author

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Happy Anniversary to Monsieur Lesage

WARNING! Sappy stuff ahead. If you're wondering where your usually sarcastic blogger is, her head is in the clouds because it's her three year wedding anniversary to the Most Amazing Man in the World.

I had it pretty good. When quittin' time rolled around, I headed home to the man of my dreams and collapsed into his arms.

Barf! Who writes stuff like that? Oh yeah, me. When I'm in loooooooooooooove. That was after I met Mika. Before I met him, well... I can't say I miss the dating scene in Paris. I do kind of miss all the partying, which is virtually impossible with two kids. And even if I could manage it, the inevitable hangover isn't worth it.

So, I guess what this cheeseball is trying to say is "Happy Anniversary to my lovely husband, who puts up with my crap, laughs at my jokes, and is a wonderful father to our two sweet little poop-machines, Leo and Stella."

Oh hello there, Louvre. I didn't notice you at first because there are two GORGEOUS people in front of you.

Want more sap? And sass? And partying and dating and weddings and Paris life? Check out Confessions of a Paris Party Girl!

Vicki Lesage, Author

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Increase Blog Traffic With A Series

Two of my favorite things - blogging and food - come together on one of my favorite blogs, Anyonita Nibbles.

I first discovered Anyonita's blog from one of her bee-yoo-ti-ful pins on Pinterest from her Blogging Crash Course. I devoured the entire course and it was delicious. She dishes out (these puns won't quit!) incredibly useful advice each week and it's all FREE. After you've fed your brain with blogging tips, you can drool over the tasty recipes on the rest of her site.

Increase Traffic with a Blog Series

This week, the lovely Anyonita is featuring a guest post by yours truly about "How to Increase Traffic with a Blog Series." Loyal readers of my blog (bless you!) probably already read my Paris A to Z Guide and Tiny Apartment Series (if not, what are you waiting for?!?), but if you'd like to know the strategy behind it, then check out my guest post. And I dare you to not get distracted by these Double Nutella Brownies.

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Vicki Lesage, Author

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer on Sale

Dig in those couch cushions because Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer is on sale this week for only $0.99. That's right--for the price of one sip of Dom Perignon (trust my math on that one) you can get my WHOLE BOOK.

Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer
In this hilarious yet heartfelt (if I do say so myself) story about raising kids in Paris, you'll read about:

  • the meanest midwife in the world
  • absurd French bureaucracy
  • the ridiculous elevator that only stops on 3 out of 7 floors (and of course not mine)
  • my 7 1/2 pound preemie
  • more absurd French bureaucracy

Not convinced? You can read reviews on Amazon and Goodreads to clinch the deal.

If you've already read the book, thanks! You rock. Now you can rock even harder and leave a review on Amazon. I'll send you a bonus chapter if you do!

About Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer:

Diapers, tantrums, and French bureaucracy--the crazy life of an American mom in Paris.

Former party girl Vicki trades wine bottles for baby bottles, as this sassy mommy of two navigates the beautiful, yet infuriating, city of Paris.

How does she steer a stroller around piles of dog poop? Or find time for French administration between breastfeeding and business meetings? And will she ever lose the baby weight with croissants staring at her from every street corner?

This hilarious memoir will have you laughing, crying, and wiping up drool right alongside Vicki as she and her ever-patient French husband raise two children in the City of Light.

Vicki Lesage, Author

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Can Your Sequel Stand Alone?

One of the biggest pieces of advice for indie writers is to keep writing. Duh, have you read my blog? I write all the time.

Oh, you mean writing writing. Like books and stuff. Got it.

I'm sure my loyal readers (all two of them) rushed out to buy my sequel right away and have re-read it until the tattered pages fell out of their binding. For the rest of the world, I've had to do a little marketing.

In doing so, I realized a few things I did right with my sequel (*pats self on back*) and one thing I messed up (*looks around to see if anyone saw*).

The nice folks at Indies Unlimited graciously let me share my words of wisdom and cringedom (it's a word, probably) on their site. Check it out and leave a comment saying how awesome I am. Or, you know, whatever comes to mind.

Read the full article at Indies Unlimited

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Life's short. Laugh more. Buy my books at

Vicki Lesage, Author

Monday, September 8, 2014

You Can't Ever Get Too Much of Paris

Is it possible to get too much of Paris? Is too much of a good thing a bad thing? And, most importantly, is anyone in the mood for a glass of wine? I could really go for one right about now...

You can't ever get too much of Paris

After nearly a decade in this amazing city, I can say, as someone who's been there and stepped in her fair share of dog poo, you can never get too much of Paris. Sure, Frech bureaucracy is a nightmare but there is so much to see and do in Paris that I think it's all worth it.

Not to mention the pain au chocolats, baguettes, madeleines, quiches, and croissants. Hrm. Maybe, at least when it comes to my waistline, it IS possible to get too much of Paris.

Want the full story behind this quote? Check out my book: Confessions of a Paris Party Girl.

Vicki Lesage, Author

Monday, September 1, 2014

Call for Anthology Submissions: Life, Love, & Sarcasm in Paris

Submissions are now closed. Thanks to everyone who submitted! We'll be in touch shortly with those who've been selected. For future anthology submissions, please check out Velvet Morning Press and sign up for our newsletter!

You know how anthologies are all the rage these days? You don't? Well you should. They're a great way to discover new authors, not to mention get your reading in bite-sized nuggets (which I love since I rarely have more than 15 consecutive minutes free with two kids running around).

So I decided why not do one of my own? The theme is "Life, Love, and Sarcasm in Paris" and I'm looking for contributions from you. Yes YOU.

Call for Submissions: Life, Love, and Sarcasm in Paris

An anthology of funny, crazy and heartwarming stories about Paris, available in paperback and ebook. Each entry should be 1,000-3,000 words, but exceptions can be made for exceptional pieces.

Approximately 35 writers will be featured in this anthology, providing a range of voices for the reader to discover and a chance for you, the author, to increase your exposure and get published. A brief author bio will be included after your piece.

All stories must be about traveling to or living in Paris. They can be fiction or non-fiction. They can be positive or negative, funny or touching. The only thing they can't be is boring. Email your submission as a .doc attachment to

Deadline for entries is October 31, 2014. The deadline is more strict than a French gendarme crashing your picnic. The launch date is tentatively March 1, 2015.

All the cool kids are doing anthologies, so let's contribute a punchy book to this category and have a blast doing it!

What I do:
• Editing (but the tidier your piece, the more likely it is to be accepted)
• Compilation/formatting
• Cover design
• Publishing

What you do:
• Make me laugh or get dust in my eye with your submission
• Promote the book to everyone and their grandma once it's published

If you want to add a(nother) book to your author shelf, send me your submission today! OK, not today because it takes time to write a great piece. But send it SOON!

Note: You can submit as many pieces as you like; I'm happy to include more than one piece per author.

Another Note: Royalties will be donated to a children's literacy charity.

Vicki Lesage, Author