My Three Centimes

What can you buy for 3 cents these days? Not much. If you saw a penny (or centime) on the ground, you probably wouldn't even pick it up because the germs and dirt wouldn't be worth it.

But if you happen to have 3 cents in your pocket, I do know one thing you can buy—a plastic bag to carry your €89.99 boots in.

Because, you see, after spending €89.99 on a pair of boots (which is cheap for a lot of people but is kind of a big deal for me because I rarely buy clothes or shoes—have you seen the size of my closet?), you'd think they could just throw in the bag.

The first time I bought shoes at that place I bought two pairs. The lady asked, "Would you like blah blah blah?" in a tone that suggested I would NOT like "blah blah blah." Rather than ask her to repeat herself, like a normal person would, I just replied, "No."

These boots were made for walkin', but first you have to get them home

French 101: Virgins and Baby Fleas

Sometimes I feel like I'll never learn French! Though I've lived in Paris for 10 years now, there are still so many words I don't know, so many times I trip up.

I can talk about anything medically related to babies since I have tons of experience in that. I surprised myself in a work meeting recently where I smoothly discussed additions to the website, like all the steps necessary in adding new products or tracking tags.

But ask me what a baby seal is called and you'll be met with a blank stare. Though, to be fair, I had to look up what it was called in English too. (It's a seal pup. Could that be any cuter?)

My two-year-old son has mastered the French term for "garbage truck," which is good since he says it 24 hours a day. He also knows "baby seal," so he's got my French beat by a mile. Read on to find out what a seal pup is called in French, as well as an embarrasing story about confusing virgins with baby fleas: Mamalode: Virgins and Baby Fleas.

You Can't Kill Free Speech

By now I'm sure everyone's heard about the terrorist attack at Charlie Hebdo in Paris on January 7, 2015. It made international news, not just because it was a terrorist attack (which is obviously horrifying and shocking and newsworthy) but because 12 people were killed over a CARTOON.

Free speech is something we might put pretty low on the scale of freedoms until it's threatened to be taken away. Until people are KILLED over it. The very fact I'm allowed to write this blog and write books about my partying days is a testament to free speech.

Drinking Hall of Fame

Pre-pregnancy, I was quite the party girl. Parisian bars could hear me coming a mile away and scrambled to stock up on wine and shots. I was a force to be reckoned with.

My liver is much happier these days, and of course I'm thrilled to have two adorable little noisemakers of my own. But, man, sometimes wouldn't it be nice to just clean out a bar? To drink ALL the drinks? Shh, liver. No one's asking you.